There are so many questions that populate our thoughts: Who do we want to date? Is marriage something we want? Do we want kids?

Do we want to ditch monogamy for something more convenient? We find ourselves craving the single life one day, and looking for love the next. I think we've started to treat dating like shopping.

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We often create this unrealistic idea of who we want to meet, and anyone who doesn't meet our standards, we set aside and continue our search. There's still no room for "chubs" and "femmes". Gay shame is a deeply systemic condition, and it's infiltrated into the way we date. Cisgender masculinity is still celebrated as the ultimate triumph in almost all gay spaces most of my hookups usually ask me if I'm straight-acting. This aside, a lot is still the same too because legal changes are one thing and societal acceptance is another.

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The only thing that has really changed is that people are less fearful of prosecution and that, in turn, offers a great deal of freedom to members of the queer community to be themselves. It defeats the purpose. A friend of mine, who wished to be quoted anonymously, was quick to point out that "muscular, gym-toned men" also find it hard to date. Most of the men I meet on dating apps don't really want to talk. All they want is a quick fuck," he says, adding that he refuses to get into bed with a man on the first date. In fact, we've become more vain, a lot less accepting of different body types, and we clearly don't want to engage in conversation.

Most men can't sustain a conversation for more than 15 minutes. Dr Mona Varonica Campbell , India's first transgender and plus-size model, says it's been a mixed bag for her. But, it isn't the case for other transwomen.


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They're still treated like sex objects, which is disheartening. Chuka Ummuna. Shappi Khorsandi.

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